From pride to humility-from broken to rebuilt

My name is Teng Yan, from Mainland China. I was baptized at the Hamilton Chinese Church on December 18, 2011 and became a Christian. That day was the greatest and unforgettable day in my life. I remember that after I was baptized that day, I felt unable to Comparable joy! That kind of joy is something I’ve never experienced before. Everything feels like a new start, and life has its true meaning! Like other brothers and sisters, I know that I have become a member of God’s family and will be Leading and blessing.

Like many Chinese immigrants and overseas students, I come from a country of atheists and have been instilled with strict atheism since I was a child. "Man will conquer the sky" is an oath that everyone in our time swears. It is synonymous with atheists. Its proposition is to fight the world on its own; itself is its own god. I grew up in that environment. After graduating from medicine, I worked hard all the way, and for my goal of living in a beautiful tourist city, I did not hesitate to abandon medicine and go to work, "return to the furnace for further study", and then go to the goal! From the mining hospital, to the county-level hospital, and then to the city Provincial hospital, finally went abroad. . . Everything is done! However, I don’t know how to be grateful, and I think it’s the result of my own wisdom, intelligence, and courage. Because I don’t know God, I become my own God: I become proud, reserved, and love to judge people.

Our God is a loving and humorous God: You have to be proud and stubborn, and he will let you go, but he will set some barriers to make you stay away from it on your own. You have fallen and your head is broken and you have learned your lesson. Knowing the insignificance, finiteness and ignorance of human beings. So I began to think, seeking many unsolved answers in life: Where did humans come from? Where do they go? How did the universe come? Does the earth have a day to end? Does the supernatural god in the middle really exist?. . . This is how I am. After the triumphant song of my life, I fell on the "hurdle" set by God for me, and then I began to truly think about life. Like landing on Xinzhou, I wandered in the place of faith: excitement intertwined with confusion.

The more difficult to pass

Things have to go back to before going abroad. With my so-called ingenuity, I worked step by step to conquer life bastion one after another, and my pride grew because of this. I can hardly hear any negative words. I believe that I can manipulate everything, including my marriage. Now that I think about it, our God is wonderful: in order to deal with my pride, to truly learn the lesson, and to humbly return to Heavenly Father, God set a "hurdle" in my life that did not exist in my opinion at that time. . But because of this hurdle, I couldn't make it through the strength of breastfeeding, and finally had to leave New Zealand.

It turned out that my child and his dad were in college romance, and they were the couple who had not maintained much relationship among college students when they graduated. Then for his reassignment, we went through five stages and cut six generals. In the end, we flew together and landed in a beautiful tourist city to work together. But soon we were dissatisfied again. The so-called "desire is hard to fill." In retrospect, the days without God were terrible. I always think that what I earn from working hard in the world can fill my heart's desires. At that time, the government encouraged "getting out of poverty and becoming rich". I sent my husband to Shenzhen to "developing and start a business", and I stayed at home to raise children and lead a "military wife" life. Unexpectedly, soon our marital status took a turn for the worse: no matter how hard I was, I used both the hard and the soft, citing scriptures, telling him about the relationship between husband and wife, and persuading him not to divorce, but he changed his personality completely, and what he said on the phone was just two words :"divorce!". I am dumbfounded! Nothing! From now on, he came home, like a stranger, absent-minded, holding his mobile phone to make phone calls. For the first time in my life, I put a big question mark on my ability? —Why is it not working anymore??? On the road of my life, I have won all the things I wanted to win. This is the only hurdle that I can’t take after I have tried my best to eat milk! On this hurdle, God made me fall completely and broke my head! At that time, I began to realize that my destiny was not completely controlled by me. There was a greater power, invisible, manipulating it. I am not capable of turning things around; I have admitted my weakness and incompetence. God blocks the proud and supports the humble. When you are humbled, God will support you to become strong in Him in order to show the glory of God. God didn't let me go. Looking back now, the big hand he protected has never left me: Amazingly, he led me and my child out of China, out of my "valley of tears", and came to New Zealand.

A leap of confidence

Like a loser, I came to New Zealand with a hurdle that I did not cross the past. But I still didn't join the church, and I refused to know the Lord Jesus. Instead, I went to the University of Waikato and filled my heart with the "dream of English literature" I had always dreamed of. Now I think about it, our heavenly father is so patient and loving: God has given me the talent for English; God knows that my heart has always been burning with a fiery dream of English literature. Heavenly Father was watching me silently and didn't force me. He still helped me when I was writing my thesis. I often started writing my papers as if there was a god: Although I was the only Asian student in my grade, I often got excellent papers.

God has his time. Until mid-2011, I graduated from Waikato University. It’s amazing. I always love to spend time shopping and reading novels whenever I have free time. After four years of holding back, I still don’t have a place for them. On the contrary, I am ready to open my heart to understand the problems of faith. ! This change makes me both novel and excited! The sincere love of the brothers and sisters in the church moved me; no matter how I used to find all kinds of excuses to reject them, they were never discouraged and asked me to go to church whenever I had the opportunity. thank God! Now I really want to go. In the past history, I have changed several groups. I always went once or twice, and never went again if I was not moved. Pride often prevents us from knowing God. If you want to know God, you must first humble yourself; if you want to be filled with the Holy Spirit, you must first confess your sins and repent.

After having circled most of the church groups, I came to Deng Dawei's group Bible study group by chance this time. Deng Dawei and his wife are scientists and have believed in the Lord for many years. They are dedicated, sincere and kind disciples of the Lord. I remember that Friday night, when the Bible was fully unfolded in front of me, I was shocked: with a sense of literature, I read "Genesis" and found that it was an extraordinary literary work! The first three chapters talk about God's creation of heaven, earth and all things and mankind. They are also one of the model literature works that I selected in a compulsory course when I was in college! However, liking belongs to liking. It takes a leap of faith to change from an atheist to a person who believes in God. After that group Bible study, we waited for our youth in the church lobby. I said to David Deng: "We who study science know that science pays attention to facts and proofs. I can't believe what is invisible and intangible!" David smiled, did not answer me immediately, and appeared very calm. Finally, he raised his gaze, looked into the distance, and said, "As long as I go out outdoors and see the wonderful mountains and rivers, I will be in awe, knowing that there is a God who created the universe and everything is ruling this world! "I heard this, fell silent, and began to think about his words. . . I feel that something obstructed in the depths of my heart is slowly being removed, and an indescribable ability is germinating and rising. . . Later, a sister named Wang Xiufang in the group wanted to lend me Feng Bingcheng's plate "Science and Faith". I was moved immediately and said, this may be my "entry point"! I take home like a treasure.

But here comes the trouble! My DVD player has not been working for more than a month. The last time it was released was during the middle vacation of the final semester of the university. My friend borrowed the first base love movie to release it, and finally couldn't release it. I overhauled, tested, and the results were the same, showing: "No Disc"! Now I am in a hurry because I really want to watch Feng Bingcheng's plates and understand the relationship between the gospel, science and faith. The first time I didn’t know where the confidence came from: holding the plate in my hand and keeping the position of kneeling in front of the DVD player, I actually prayed to God: "God, if you really exist, you don’t like those love movies-- ―Based on my experience in electronic technology, I know that the DVD player is not really bad. You stopped the machine. Now what you want to see is the gospel disc, which is holy and pleases you, then you can let it work!". . . With the silence of the night, there is a peace in my heart that I have never had before. Input the disc, as before, it shows "No Disc"...but I am not in a hurry, it is abnormally safe. Take it out, close it, and enter it again, staring at the screen of the machine without smacking, holding your breath, and your heart beating faster. . . This time, “No Disc” is not displayed, instead it is timing 1 second, 2 seconds, 3 seconds. . . Already working! Already working! God heard my prayer! Hallelujah! This DVD player has never broken, and I have shown my relatives and friends countless times, and I have been working for more than half a year after I got injured when I bought a house and moved.

There are 15 episodes of Feng Bingcheng's "Science and Faith". It proves from a scientific point of view that God is the God who created everything in the universe. It is very appealing to me; in order to avoid "going around", I am not willing to watch too many at once, only one episode a day. When I look at it, I often hold my breath, I'm afraid I missed even a punctuation mark! When you have a longing spirit, the Holy Spirit must work on you; you will be like me and feel the joy of being changed by him! Feng Bingcheng's "Science and Faith" answers many questions that I have been unsolved. He used a lot of facts and evidence to prove that "science can only prove the existence of the laws of the universe, but cannot create laws." He overturned the idea of ​​"science omnipotence" on which atheists depend. The reality and wonder of the "Great Collision of the Universe", its "one-time completion" is entirely a thrilling coincidence hanging on one of the incomprehensible astronomical figures, and the wonderful formation of the earth and everything on it. . The hands of non-God can not do it! About halfway through the sight, I felt the blood flow all over my body speeding up, and a powerful force like a flood rushed into the embankment, rushing away the proud and stubborn hard rock in my heart! I have never knelt down to anyone in my life, but this time, I knelt down! I knelt before the mighty God, bursting into tears, crying, and said, "Yes, God, I know, you created the universe!" At the end of that year, I was baptized into the Lord Jesus.

In the rest of my life, God let me experience in many things that He is a real and living God. My spiritual life finally began to be born, grow, and grow. What kind of life change is that! What kind of joy is it! Like the prodigal son who has been wandering for many years, he finally returned to the arms of the Father, enjoying his love, abundance, protection and guidance. In the Lord Jesus, love is made perfect and there is no longer fear. My life is no longer to work hard on my own, but to follow my own will. It is by reading God's Word-the Bible every day, to get light and wisdom from there to lead my daily life. I have truly experienced what a peaceful and joyful life is. I know that it is not accidental for everyone to come to this world. God has his beautiful plan for us. We want to live such a benchmark life.